Expectations & Self Esteem: Uncertainty in Certainty

     

”Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the        only security.”

Today at the juncture of my life, I feel I am lucky & blessed as I have everything what everybody seems to run behind to achieve till end of life or atleast till you are alive.I have a good job, nice family, loving & caring husband, adorable daughter, loving mom & dad. What else we demand for in this world.

Still there is something in me which keeps on creeping up like I wanna more, I wanna more, give me more, give me more. I think daily, what is that I am lacking in my life. I should concentrate on what I have than what I should have ideally. There is feeling of uncertainty in certainty, a feeling of dissatisfaction settled in the corner of my mind. I have read somewhere this is due to the discrepancy between expectations and reality (though this reality is usually distorted).

7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty to be Happier and Less Anxious

1. Replace expectations with plans.

2. Prepare for different possibilities.

3. Become a feeling observer.

4. Get confident about your coping and adapting skills.

5. Utilize stress reduction techniques preemptively.

6. Focus on what you can control.

“Deep down we’ve all constructed an idea of who we ‘should’ be: how we should look, act, think, feel and be regarded by others.”Not meeting these “shoulds” can have a negative impact on self-esteem. “When we fail to match those standards, one response may be frustration, anger or even hatred for the parts of ourselves that don’t measure up,”

The only constant in life is that it will involve change; and try as you may to control the future, sometimes all you can do is trust that whatever happens, you can adapt and make the best of it.

When you form expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You can guide your tomorrow, but you can’t control the exact outcome. If you expect the worst, you’ll probably feel too negative and closed-minded to notice and seize opportunities. If you expect the best, you’ll create a vision that’s hard to live up to.

Instead of expecting the future to give you something specific, focus on what you’ll do to create what you want to experience.

The most difficult part of uncertainty, at least for me, is the inability to plan and feel in control. 

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It isn’t the uncertainty that bothers me; it’s my tendency to get lost in my feelings about it.

The second I start indulging fear, I get lost in a cycle of reactionary thoughts. “I might be lonely” leads to “How will I meet people?” Before you know it, I’ve somehow traveled all the way to “What if I become a recluse, start overeating, and develop restless leg syndrome from sitting too much—alone—on my couch?”

Okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration. The point is that speculation leads to feelings, which can lead to more speculation and then more feelings. It helps me to stop the cycle by recognizing the feeling—in that case, fear—and the reminding myself: I can’t possibly predict the future, but I can help create it by fostering positive feelings about the possibilities.

This isn’t the same as “expect the worst.” It’s more about assuring yourself that you can handle any difficulty that might come.

Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” I can adjust myself with the situation to get adapted.

If you’re dealing with uncertainty, you probably have stress in your body, even if it’s not at the forefront of your thoughts in this exact moment. Over time, that body stress affects blood pressure, blood sugar, muscle tension, cholesterol level, breathing rate, and every organ in your body.

Incorporate stress reduction techniques into your day, ideally meditation, even if just five to ten minutes daily. Finding your center will help you feel better prepared to tackle whatever comes your way.

Oftentimes, we overlook the little things we can do to make life easier while obsessing about the big things we can’t do.

Practice mindfulness

When you obsess about a tomorrow you can't control, you’re too busy judging what hasn’t happened yet to fully experience what’s happening right now. Instead of noticing and appreciating the beauty in the moment, you get trapped in a fear-driven thought cycle about the potential for discomfort down the line.

While meditation is the best way to become more mindful, it isn’t the only approach. Sometimes it helps me to take an inventory of what’s good in today. So I can’t yet plan for tomorrow—that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. That means I can spend today doing other things, like writing, reading, relaxing in the sun, and connecting with people I love.

If ever you think you’ve created a controllable, predictable life for yourself, you can rest assured that’s an illusion. Nothing stays the same forever.

The uncertainty can keep you up at night, obsessing over ways to protect yourself from anything that might go wrong. Or it can motivate you to practice acceptance, live in the moment, and embrace the adventure of living.

What’s coming tomorrow might not be easy—or it might fulfill you in ways you didn’t know to imagine. What’s certain is that it will come and when it gets here, you’ll respond to it, learn from it, and move into another tomorrow full of endless possibilities...